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    Theatre Review: We Will Rock You, Please Bite the Dust

    We Will Rock You plays at the Palace Theatre through Sunday, January 12, 2014.

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    I dislike auto-tune music and really like Queen. I grew up on Queen. That said, the Broadway tour of We Will Rock You, the Queen jukebox musical that began its run at the Palace last night remains the most incomprehensibly confusing piece of theater I’ve ever seen, including all experimental performance art.

    The show takes place in a dystopic, distant future where a corporation called Globalsoft runs the world, known as the iPlanet. Children listen to the same computer-generated music, watch the same movies, and wear the same clothes, all while living in the internet realm. No instruments exist on earth and rock n’ roll is long forgotten. A growing rebellion, the Bohemians, seeks to find rock n’ roll and freedom as described in sacred text they have discovered, mostly at an antiquated Hard Rock Cafe. Two black sheep students, Galileo and Scaramouche, quickly meet up with the Bohemians to save music and the world. Those things I know after watching the show, but in reality it proves quite difficult to follow.

    The show features ridiculous dialogue that almost feels as though it came from a hat draw. Galileo almost exclusively speaks in song lyrics. At one point a character randomly yells, “Hello Columbus!” Perhaps many of the lines intend for laughter, but too often they fall flatly and awkwardly. The show was recently reworked by writer/director Ben Elton to include more contemporary references, including rock icons Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, and The Jonas Brothers. Awkward jokes abound.

    Overall, the show suffers from one of the most severe cases of no character development. Every character in this production serves as a vehicle to vomit lines from their lips and then belt Queen songs. The two protagonists: Galileo and Scaramouche spend several minutes throughout two scenes and a song in a ludicrous fight that began because…I’m not sure; it just did. This weighs the show down so much, making songs the only moments worth kind of enjoying.

    In order to make songs work for this absurd story, most feature some lyrical alterations, which can work, but tend to prove annoying at best. Further most of the songs seem to weirdly wedge themselves between scenes of this show, rather than guiding the story or flowing naturally. This all begs the question, “Why does this show exist?” (Or “why do this show?” Questions I ask myself every time I see any art form). My guess is coming.

    Cast members of We Will Rock You.

    This production also contains a lot of video, which I usually enjoy and of which I wish I saw more, but in this show it seems a bit much. It rarely, verging on never, proves effective, and actually distracts quite a bit. The video (and frankly, lighting) feels like generic content used for concerts that loosely connect to the story.

    When the show first opened almost twelve years ago in London, it received terrible reviews. Actually, many productions since then received terrible reviews as well, but it still goes strong, despite never playing on Broadway. This must be because it feels more like a concert than a piece of theater. The show is fun and sometimes funny (though usually in the wrong places); it just cannot decide what it is.

    At one point a Bohemian, Buddy, comments on contemporary music stating, “Music is created only for money and it has no soul.” This perfectly expresses my sentiments on We Will Rock You. Why does this show exist? Because Queen concerts do not, and people love Queen. Forget the compelling characters and rich drama Freddie Mercury probably would have liked in something oded to him. The story feels washed out and tired.

    All in all, the show seems alright for those interested in an altered lyric Queen cover concert that features elements of strange, not fully development sci-fi situations.

    Photos courtesy We Will Rock You.

    We Will Rock You is in town through Jan. 12 at the Palace Theatre, 34 W. Broad Street and plays Wed.-Thurs. at 7:30 pm; Fri.-Sat. At 8 pm; Sat. at 2 pm; Sun. at 1 pm & 6:30 pm. Ticket prices range. More information can be found online at CAPA.com.

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    Lisa Much
    Lisa Much
    Lisa Much is a recent transplant to Columbus as of June. She comes from Chicago having freelanced as a stage manager and prop designer. She holds a BA in Sustainable Theater from Green Mountain College in Vermont.
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