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April Fool’s Day: New Crew Owners Already Looking to Move Team Elsewhere

Travis Irvine Travis Irvine April Fool’s Day: New Crew Owners Already Looking to Move Team Elsewhere
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In a shocking revelation uncovered by ColumbusUnderground.com, it’s become clear that the Haslam and Edwards families — the new owners of the recently “saved” Columbus Crew SC — are already looking to move the team to several other possible cities, including, but not limited to, Austin, Texas.

Insiders say that Dr. Pete Edwards and Dee Haslam have recently been spotted in multiple other cities “scoping out” alternative soccer scenes, in hopes of possibly pulling the same stunt that former owner Anthony Precourt attempted in 2017. It’s unknown what exactly has prompted the surprising search, but a source said that he overheard Edwards mention the problem of “business metrics” as well as a Downtown stadium being “pretty much impossible,” both excuses Precourt also used.

“It’s a huge slap in the face considering everything we worked so hard for,” said Morgan Hughes, a spokesman for the #SaveTheCrew movement, who reportedly smells great and is great with kids. “It’s the same feeling as when Precourt pretended like he wanted to keep the team here. Like, why in the name of Andres Mendoza does no one want to keep The Crew in Columbus?! I don’t get it!”

What’s even more devastating is that this move may have been premeditated, similar to when Precourt put a clause in his ownership contract allowing him to potentially move the team to Austin whenever he saw fit. According to sources, this same clause was carried over into the new owners’ contract, but was expanded to include any city.

While this news may be devastating for many Crew fans, some are still holding out hope that the new owners do the right thing — or another local ownership group will buy the team instead. “It’s up to us at this point,” said Hughes. “If we have to fire up the #SaveTheCrew movement one more time, we’ll get the band back together, baby.”

Precourt was reportedly occupied in Austin giving out free scarves and eating melted cheese and could not be reached for comment.

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