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    Local Comic Spotlight: Zachariah Baird

    It’s been awhile since our last chat with a comedian. Zachariah Baird has been making people laugh (or groan) in Columbus for, well probably the entire ten years he’s lived here. You can catch Zack three to four times a month, usually doing standup.

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    “I like standup best,” Baird says. “I like it for it’s simplicity – one person, one microphone. There’s something very Ohioan in that attitude also, I’m sure. It’s performance stripped down to the least amount of embellishment possible.”

    He’s also actively involved with an impov troupe and a monthly sketch comedy show called Monday Night Live. This Saturday night, he has a show, One Man Makes Many Things Funny at The Green Room in the Garden Theater. To find out how he went from selling bras at a Kmart to doing comedy on a stage, read on!

    Zachariah Baird performing at Comfest 2012. Photo by Mitch Mitcheson.

    Q: What was life like for you growing up?

    A: My dad was a funny person. I remember when I was a kid, there were times when I would be mad about something really childish (naturally), and instead of letting me stay mad he’d come into my room and tell me jokes about monkeys with colorful butts. I realize now he was talking about baboons, but it always got me laughing, sometimes to the point of tears.

    I think a lot of his attitude in that regard rubbed off on me. Being weird and saying funny things has never really seemed like a special thing to me. It’s just the way I like to talk to people. I was painfully shy growing up. Realizing that I had the capacity to make people laugh with my words definitively helped me to come out of that shell. I try to respect serious people by not making jokes about their thoughts, but it’s always a struggle.

    My parents divorced when I was very very young. I grew up week to week in two totally different places. My mom lived on an agritourism farm in Northern Kentucky. People used to come out to our farm every year to pick their own food, pumpkins, and Christmas trees. Even at a very young age, my parents recognized my panache for working with groups of people, so they put me in charge of giving tours of the farm, explaining how things worked, and showing people all the different animals.

    My dad lived north of the Ohio river in Cincinnati. When I was with him, I worked at a Kmart about five minutes from our house. While working there, I very quickly got the job of “Blue Light Special Announcer.” In fact, I got my first huge laugh when they told me that I would be marketing bras all day. I was really really nervous and didn’t know what to say, so I got on the intercom and announced “Ladies, these bras are a downright steal. So if you’re not feeling supported, or you’re not wearing any kind of brazier at all, get down here.” Then I clicked the p/a off, and the entire store erupted into laughter. We sold every bra that was on sale in 20 minutes – and I became a legend. Sort of…

    I’ve lived in Columbus for 10 years, with intermittent traveling to teach abroad, and occasionally go on half hazard attempts to tour the country. I like it here. Everyone is very nice. Mostly though I like the fact that it’s cheap. I don’t think it’s wise for comedians to discuss their academic backgrounds.

    Q: What got you interested in Comedy?
    A: Honestly, I wanted to be a poet and a playwright, but everything I wrote was very weird, awkward, and funny. It was actually one day at the end of my college career that my best friend Carlos Teel told me he wanted to be a standup comedian, and I thought to myself “Really? That’s something you can do and not hate yourself?” Turns out I was wrong. You have to hate yourself to be a comedian. It’s a fun type of self-hatred though…

    Q: What do you think about Columbus’ comedy scene?

    A: I think the comedy scene has grown a lot. And I think there’s lots of room for growth. Mostly, I want people to understand that a live comedy show is always going to be a completely different and far superior comedic experience than anything any movie or TV show is going to offer them. TV and movies are lazy. They spread out the laughter too much. In Columbus, we have at least 20 brilliant comedians, who are constantly creating new material. Columbus residents could easily go to 8 comedy shows a year without ever hearing the same joke twice, or being disappointed with the quality of the performances. It’s a very very talented group of people we have living here.

    Q: Who are some of your favorite comics to work with?

    A: Carlos Teel. He’s the person I run all of my material by before I perform. I’m always very excited if we end up on a lineup together. There’s also Mike Kolar, but that’s a bit more of an odd relationship. Mike and I can be kind of dangerous together, because we crack each other up so easily that some of the stuff we come up with isn’t really fit for the stage. That said, there’s no one I’ve taken more pleasure in bombing with than Mike Kolar. So having him at shows is kind of like a boost to my moral, because I know I’ll have fun no matter what happens. Otherwise, I really like the way both Dan Montour and Sumukh Torgalkar’s brains work. That’s nothing against what anyone else is doing. I just feel a kinship with where their comedy hearts are at, so having them around is also always a treat. I also love Laura Sanders, but that’s mostly because I consider her the most pro comedian working in the city. In fact, I think our entire relationship is based around my subservience to her brilliant wit.

    Q: Where do you find inspiration?
    A: I don’t know. My unconscious mind… Nina Simone… Staring at water fowl along the Olentangy…

    Q: Do you have a favorite joke?
    A: Anything that involves a duck, a chicken, a goose… or death. I have a joke about how I think instead the traditional duck crossing sign with, a momma duck and her baby ducks following, they should put a silhouette of a duck with a big f#$ing gun. I have never seen anyone slow down at the sight of a duck crossing sign.

    Q: Or a favorite comedian?
    A: Mitch Hedberg, Moms Mabley, Eddie Izzard.

    Q: Do you have any personal goals in mind?
    A: Opening a comedy club in Franklinton.

    Q: What can the audience look forward to in your upcoming show?
    A: To be honest… I never know until about 24 hours before I get on stage. Starting now until Saturday at 8pm, I will probably rewrite / organize my show 18 times. I’m very indecisive.

    If you come to my show, be extremely generous with your laughter early on, and the show will be five times funnier for you. Sometimes audience members don’t realize how much of an effect they can have on the show that they receive. Some people who haven’t been to lots of shows come with this attitude of “make me laugh punk.” As if it’s a challenge.

    If you’re not in the mood to be made to laugh, and you show that openly, it has an effect on the people around you, which has an affect on the people around them, which then has an effect on me. No matter how pro or experience you are, the first five minutes on stage is always frightening… I think Ringo Starr said something similar to that as well. And that’s someone who’s a opinion I can solidly get behind.

    See Zachariah Baird live on stage at The Green Room at the Garden Theater during One Man Makes Many Things Funny. Performances are Saturday, August 18 at 9pm and 11pm. Tickets are $8 in advance and $10 at the door. Buy tickets at shortnorthstage.org. To find out more about Zack, visit his website zachariahisfunny.com.

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    Anne Evans
    Anne Evanshttps://www.linkedin.com/in/anne-evans/
    Anne Evans is the Co-Founder and Director of Operations for The Metropreneur and Columbus Underground. She regularly contributes feature stories on both sites, as well as Mega Weekend each week. She has started and grown businesses, created experiences, forged community partnerships, and worked to create opportunities for others. She loves meeting new neighbors and those making an impact in our community. Want to connect?
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