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April Fools: Griggs Dam Removal Schedule Pushed Forward

 Alex Silbajoris
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A Columbus-area environmentalist group has scored a major victory today, with the EPA approval of a fast-paced dam demolition method to be used on the Griggs Dam in Columbus.

The group Defending the Integrity of The Scioto (DITS) announced plans to torpedo the aging, century-old structure, to restore the Scioto River to its natural, free-flowing state. This method would carry only a small fraction of the time and expense of traditional demolition and complete removal of the structure.

“We don’t want to incur the negatively impactful larger carbon footprint of traditional removal methods,” said a DITS spokesman. “It is sufficient merely to breach the structure to restore natural stream flow. This will allow the movement of fish and invertebrates, or as we like to say, River Kittens, to all parts of the river.”

The torpedo method would remove the center of the dam, but leave remains of the east and west ends in place. “The broken, rugged edges of the remaining structure will compliment the natural rugged limestone outcrops the lake has drowned for years,” said the spokesman.

In 2008, two lowhead dams were removed from Alum Creek in Columbus, through combined efforts of EPA and another watershed group.

Critics claim DITS is attempting to cut off the stalled Griggs boathouse project by removing the lake the boats would use. Rowers complain they would have to lower their boats more than 30 feet down a bluff to put them in the stony streambed below.

DITS claims removing the lake will relieve the City of the expense and manpower dedicated to existing marine patrols on the lake. Further, “It will be a funeral for wake sports,” the spokesman said.

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