First, let me just totally own the clickbait title. In my defense though, as a legit analytical philosopher, I’ve been doing things in list-form since diaper days. It’s a wonderfully effective way to communicate.
You’ve got just a few days left to enjoy the brand new Starbucks Unicorn Frappe. Actually, you don’t have a few days. You have a few hours. The thing is sold out of most local stops. The Unicorn is a species that is well beyond endangered, it’s on the freight train to early extinction here in town, because locals are such enthusiastic consumers.
But you should go for it all the same, and here’s why:
1) Because you will have to work for it. We tried four Starbucks before finding the Unicorn in a Target installation. Scarcity adds adventure to the whole drinking experience.
2) Because it has zero coffee in it. I hadn’t fully realized that from the literature, but it was a genuine relief to learn that the frothy Sour Patch thing was not coffee-flavored too. That sounded horrifying.
3) Because it is not an “abomination.” Whoever said the unicorn was disgusting was either (A) A drama queen, or they (B) Wrote about it without actually trying it. I get it: sweet first, then sour sounds like a bad candy, but you know how it turns out? All those magical syrups end up creating something that tastes kinda like a raspberry smoothie. For real. There’s some blue dust that the clerk lines the sides of the glass with: that can be tart. But if you avoid direct hits of the blue stuff, you get something sweet and fruity, and not nearly as fake tasting as the ingredients (syrup, syrup, syrup) suggest.
4) Because it will provide you with unicorn puns for days and days.
5) And finally, because it really does change color. It changes to a purple color as the blue dust dissolves into the pink smoothie. If you want to call that magic, that’s perfectly okay. We all need something to believe in.