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Dining Disappointments: 2019 Update

Miriam Bowers Abbott Miriam Bowers Abbott Dining Disappointments: 2019 Update
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It has been another year of disappointments in the dining scene. Of course, it’s been another year of delights, too. Food is like that…some things work, some things don’t – a lot happens in a year of eating. Regardless, the ginormous glut of Best Of digital ink needs a little balance. And I’m here for that. 

First, a couple of general, non-specific ongoing dining disappointments. There’s no finger-pointing here, frankly, because I don’t have enough fingers.

One: Cauliflower still tastes like cauliflower. It does not taste like potatoes, chicken wings or steak — even when fried, served in buffalo sauce or flame-grilled, respectively. Cauliflower is not bad, and it’s probably compatible with most diet fads, but it should be marketed appropriately: it is what it is. 

Two: Goat cheese still tastes like petting zoos smell. You have to wash your hands after you pet the barnyard animals. How is that appetizing?

Fortunately, while the former is on the rise, the latter appears to be waning, finally.  

So, let’s turn to some other more particular disappointments:

1. As it turns out, the bulletproof coffee does not make one bulletproof. (Don’t ask). REBoL, 6608 Longshore St. in Dublin, has it. Perhaps a literal interpretation was an unrealistic expectation. All the same, it needs more butter, less coffee and a lot more sugar. Like a frappe. Then it would be delicious.

2. SŌW does not rhyme with COW. SŌW Plated’s restaurant name, 1625 W. Lane Ave., is an acronym and fancified spelling for “planting seeds.” It rhymes with “no.” You can read all about it, along with lots more philosophy, on the restaurant’s website. But really, fancified-sew or plain ‘ol SŌW…why not go with the pig?

3. Speaking of agonizing spelling: Comune. One ‘m.’ So, you could use cute pronunciation, referring to it as co-mune. But no, it’s pronounced “commune,” as though it had all its letters in the first place. You’ll find the missing ‘m’ at 677 Parsons Ave.

4. Also, turnips still taste like turnips. Couscous House, 1611 Morse Rd., presents an opportunity to revisit the root vegetable in a bowl. Thankfully, the kitchen’s other fine offerings easily overpower the turnip, as it is ever stubborn and ever turnip-y. 

5. Pop Fries are the precise sum of their parts. They are waffle fries, they are teamed with a blob of spicy pickled cabbage that does not adhere in any way.  You’ll find it at Xi Xia, 1140 Kenny Centre Mall.

6. Frozen donuts make poor sandwiches. Previously frozen donuts could work, but when the donut is still cold and solid, it’s hard to chew through, even with hot and crispy, delicious fried chicken inside. It happened at Forty’s Chicken & Waffles, 2593 N. High St.

7. I ONLY GOT TO EAT AT ALANA’S PROJECT ONE TIME. Granted, the Actual Brewing scandal was beyond horrible. But the famed Alana Shock was doing her own thing in its kitchen, and it was breathtaking. I even started to wax rhapsodic about her version of Sh*t on A Shingle in a review draft, it “rendered a grainy bread topped with a fantastic beef stew infused with aromatic rosemary accents.” Other joys were “a carefully half-peeled clementine, opened like a bloom, as part of a kiddie tray that was prepared with more love than any mother has ever invested.”

8. That one really hurt.

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