Just bring your own food…. and disinfectant

JimL2 wrote It’s like shooting the world’s last panda just because it killed your dad.

I don’t think anyone could have said it better.

Calling a filthy takeout restaurant and having an oily, sleepy guy deliver them along with something called a gut bomb is way more impressive to girls.

Seriously though, I have had more than my fair share of fun at Taco Ninja’s expense, but I will be sad if they close. It’s like shooting the world’s last panda just because it killed your dad.

:shock:

Lehr wrote Before that meal, I had no idea that you take one bite of something, spit it out, and still have the shits for two days straight.

The wonders of Campylobacter :o

Maybe the chicken was canned at a dual-use factory that also cans Tuna?

I totally forgot that ninjas don’t usually answer the phone because it violates the ancient honor code of Bushido

Did this guy do any fact-checking before he turned this in for print? I don’t claim to be the world’s greatest restaurant reviewer (“World’s Greatest Restaurant Reviewer,” is the exclusive trademark of JimL2 Holdings LLC), but at least I’ve seen enough Godfrey Ho movies to know the difference between a ninja and a goddamn samurai.

Here’s the breakdown:

• Samurai were footsoldiers beholden to a daimyo who followed the unwritten rules of conduct referred to as bushido
• Ninja were spies and assassins whose refusal to follow bushido allowed them to perform their craft. They were usually hired by daimyo on a temporary basis
• Ronin were swordsmen for hire; mercenaries who didn’t necessarily follow bushido but who had no interest in jumping into trees and throwing swastikas around
• Taco Ninja’s staff are grumpy, pale OCRemix.com-shirt-wearing dirtlipped stoners whose eyes hurt and they are always rubbing their eyes with their greasy fingers and then touching the burritos with their fingers. Also, ew.
• The Street Fighters were like ronin but they fought with their fists and also their code of honor was “if someone’s payment is late, sell them into sex slavery.” Women could be Street Fighters but they were referred to as Sister Street Fighters, as demonstrated in the documentary Sister Street Fighter. The natural enemy of the Street Fighter is the mafia.
• Speaking of Godfrey Ho, if anyone knows Ashley Blue or how I can get her to marry me please let me know

So there you have it. I hope this has helped to point out why I’m a much better restaurant reviewer than anyone who works for the OSU sentinel. Not only did I manage to present some interesting information about Ashley Blue and why I consider her to be a better performer than Brooke Ballentyne, but I also got to mention a movie where Sonny Chiba breaks into a police station and sticks his fingers through a guy’s vocal cords. And I did it all without using the word “shit.”

Well, not in the title anyway.

Taco Ninja: Is this Shit for Real?!

A Sentinel writer ventures into Taco Ninja

Matthew Provance

Issue date: 3/7/07

Throughout time certain events are bound to change the course of human history forever: the Magna Carta, the printing press, and the inception of internet porn have each served to enrich your life and shift your worldview in ways that you may not even realize. Only a celebrated few have recognized the significance of events like these when they occur, and the onus is on them to inform the teeming masses of so-said significance. Thus it is with quiet reverence that I celebrate “Taco Ninja” in the printed word.

Can a carry-out restaurant change the way you think about tacos, yourself, and the world? Hell yes, if that restaurant is Taco Ninja (2216 Summit St, 614-261-TACO). Your first clue that this is not your average ethnic-food-meets-silent-killer joint can be found in their two-page ad in this quarter’s Saver magazine. Eye-popping cartoon ninjas promise to “assassinate your hunger” (I usually prefer my hunger straight-up murdered) with signature dishes ranging from the titular Ninja Taco to the exotic Nunchuck Cimichanga. What do nunchucks have to do with chimichangas? Everything.

READ MORE

JimL2 wrote Speaking of which, the only difference between a Gut Bomb before and after it ventures through your digestive tract is that it might be a little chewier beforehand.

You eat your poop? How weird! :roll:

Walker wrote This review is now the 7th result in google for “taco ninja”

Hmmm, does anyone know how to googlebomb? I refuse to be second to a review that starts with a reference to Proust!

p.s. I think I’m going to edit my review to start with “Baudrillard says that the only thing preventing a copy from being a second original is the differences between the copy and the original. Speaking of which, the only difference between a Gut Bomb before and after it ventures through your digestive tract is that it might be a little chewier beforehand.”

Before that meal, I had no idea that you take one bite of something, spit it out, and still have the shits for two days straight.

Last I had heard, they were planning on opening a new location in Carabar, but it wasn’t there the last time I went in? Anyone know anything about that?

HOT!!! 8)