Just after 10 a.m. Friday morning, the announcement went out to the entire nation; the U.S. Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage for every state in the Union. It wasn’t surprising then that the Union Café was where gay men and women and their straight allies, young and old, gathered to celebrate the decision. The crowd inside was packed tight, but happy and victorious as they traded boisterous shouts to commemorate the arrival of marriage equality.
It was a day that just ten years ago seemed impossible.
Thomas Grote remembers 2005 as the year he helped found Equality Ohio in response to Ohio’s gay marriage amendment, which made it unconstitutional to recognize a same-sex marriage in the state. The amendment passed in November of 2004.
“After that we didn’t know what to do,” said Grote. “There were a lot of people around the state that were very upset.”
Grote said the hardest part of that not-so-distant past was trying to make a family in the face of so much opposition.
“I think the hardest parts were the fact that we just lived our lives, and so many people felt that it wasn’t okay for us to get married, so what do you do? You just live you’re life,” said Grote.
Grote and his husband Rick got married in Massachusetts and adopted two daughters. But as they started a family together, the law held them back. Their Massachusetts marriage was not recognized by the state of Ohio and they couldn’t both be recognized as the fathers of their children. Meanwhile, Equality Ohio fought the amendment by trying to shift the popular opinion of gay families – turning “gay marriage” into “marriage equality.”
“The number one thing that we could do was to start to educate and tell our stories because there’re so many people who are gay and married, or trying to get married and had children,” said Grote. “We started trying to tell our stories so people knew who we really were and to try and change hearts and minds.”
The cultural notion of marriage equality did start to shift, but Grote couldn’t remember exactly when it looked like the marriage movement might actually come out victorious in the end.
“I think we weren’t sure. When we started Equality Ohio, set a strategic vision that by 2016 we would have marriage equality. And it’s 2015,” said Grote with a smile. “It’s sooner than we thought, frankly. The tide turned very quickly and people started to support us and things like ‘Modern Family’ and the cultural shift was huge.”
Grote said he found out about the Court’s decision Friday morning while he was watching SCOTUSblog, like so many others across the nation, waiting for an update ten years in the making.
“All of the sudden, at 10:03, it said ‘Marriage’ and I knew it. I knew it. I started crying. And then it said we won, I couldn’t believe it,” said Grote. “I called my husband, who is now officially my husband in Ohio, and I said ‘We won.’ And he said ‘We did.’ And I immediately called my insurance agent, because my husband is not on our health plan.”
As Grote spoke, Rick pushed through the crowds of the Union Café to jokingly scold his husband.
“What?! I’m not on your insurance plan?!” said Rick.
Grote pushed his husband away and continued, “I said, ‘You have to put him on the insurance plan,’ and she said ‘No, I don’t.’ And I said ‘Yes you do.’ I said ‘People are getting married in Ohio right now. You have to put us on the insurance plan.’ And she said ‘Okay.’”
Grote said his daughters, being so young, don’t quite understand what’s going on.
“All they know is we’re celebrating. And they’re gonna have two dads instead of one,” said Grote. “We take them to everything. They’ve been to every rally, they’ve been interviewed on TV numerous times and our girls were there with us. And someday they’re going to see these pictures and they’re gonna know that they were part of it.”
The coming weeks will bring more milestones. Grote said his husband filed papers with the court Friday afternoon to become the adoptive parent of their daughters. Grote predicted in about thirty days, they’ll both officially be the fathers of their children. After that, said Grote, they’ll continue fighting to make sure that no one can be fired for being gay. But celebration remained the feeling of day.
“We’re excited, we’re happy and the times they are a-changin’,” said Grote.
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All photos by Jesse Bethea.