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    April Fools Day: Late Night Slice Announces Three New Suburban Strip Mall Locations

    Press Release:
    LATE NIGHT SLICE announces SUBURBAN ACQUIESCENCE

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    Mikey’s Late Night Slice is announcing two, maybe three, new locations in the Central Ohio area beyond the 270 outer belt.

    LNS was founded and thrives within the high-energy nightlife of downtown Columbus. But every now and then, founder Mikey Sorboro would need to venture deep into the neighboring townships surrounding the usual LNS niche. It was there that Sorboro fell in love with the conformist architecture and corporate development of suburban commerce.

    After much research, strip mall units in the areas of Dublington and Hilliardburg were chosen for their ideal proximal locations between a Target, Best Buy, and no less than three Starbucks each. Traffic patterns near the new locations were also a factor as Sorboro and his team tested the efficiency of nearby roundabouts and their favorable tendencies to send customers that had just left establishments directly back to them.

    The information gathering process involved sending the LNS mascot “Pizzaface” into prospective areas where he solicited Slut SauceTM samples to potential customers of all ages. Reported incidents of altercations with a Tax Return “Statue of Liberty” mascot near one of the new locations have been grossly misrepresented. No restraining orders have been issued.

    Suburbanites in the Upper Grovehanna area may also see a Late Night Slice before the year’s end.

    While plans for upgrades and additions to Downtown locations continue, Sorboro “sees the future of LNS as the #1 pizza provider for cul-de-sac families around the nation.”

    For more information, visit www.latenightslice.com.

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    Walker Evans
    Walker Evanshttps://columbusunderground.com
    Walker Evans is the co-founder of Columbus Underground, along with his wife and business partner Anne Evans. Walker has turned local media into a full time career over the past decade and serves on multiple boards and committees throughout the community.
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