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Was there something wrong with all of us in the ’80s that we thought these were such good movies?
Because I’m here to tell you that in 2008, Indiana Jones sucks. Plasticky, cheeseball, put-George-Lucas-out-of-his-misery sucks. At least he didn’t throw Jar Jar Binks into the film but you can tell he probably came close, settling for some ridiculously bad CGI prairie dogs instead.
All the hype over Harrison Ford being “so old” to resume the role was much ado about nothing. His age doesn’t factor into the movie at all.
What does factor in is how story writer George Lucas is perilously trapped in another dimension where old-timey villains (Commies! Scary!), lame special effects and cheesy backdrops are de rigueur. I dare you not to notice how incredibly fake and studio-setty the scenery is in this movie. I’m pretty sure I saw at least one set that was used on The Goonies and the entire car-chase-in-the-jungle scene was definitely filmed in the Ewok forest. Sigh.
The plot of Crystal Skull feels like George Lucas went back to his cast-off notes from three decades ago and mashed them together in what he must have imagined to be a trifecta of intrigue. Reds! Aliens! Peruvians?
Double sigh.
The plot is cobbled together by the search for a skull of a master race of aliens in a lost city. Indiana Jones is naturally the only person who can translate all the clues leading to the skull. Did I mention it took him approximately one millisecond to solve a half-dozen complex riddles written in dead languages? Even Harrison Ford seemed to be annoyed by it.
The villainess of the film, played by Cate Blanchett, is the worst parody of a Commie I’ve seen since the Russian lady on Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. (Admit it, you watched.) But the bigger point is that I feel Commies are a little, how should I say this gently, not interesting at all today? No? Too soon?
I know the spirit of Indiana Jones is light fare and I should have watched the movie with a bit more suspension of disbelief, but I nearly lost my mind in the Commie car chase scene when Indy & company managed to dodge approximately 9,000 rounds of machine gunfire from ten feet away.
It is time to put this series to bed. And while we’re at it, let’s put George Lucas to bed. The kind of bed that sits in a room with bars on the window and in which there is no interior door handle.
Hah! Bonus points for the GLOW reference.
I remember watching that when it was on one of the crazy local UHF channels back in the day.
As far as the Indy movie goes… yeah. I don’t know that I’d be QUITE this harsh on it, but the less said about Indy 4 the better.
Post. Of. The. Day. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Yes, it’s hard to believe how far the mighty (by which I could mean either Galadriel or the old George Lucas …) have fallen. The old ones I think were really better–that’s not just the bias of years. It’s not just that the Nazis were better villains than the Soviets. It’s that the religious-apocrypha paranormal artifacts from the old movies were so much better story elements than the more recent rejects from Close Encounters of the Third Kind.