What is your strangest/funniest Holiday Story? « Columbus Underground Messageboard

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What is your strangest/funniest Holiday Story?

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Started 4 years ago by BetsyB
Latest reply from The Hegemo

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BetsyB
Westgate
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Anyone have any funny stories about the holidays concerning your family, gifts, or parties?
The funniest one I can thing of involves my dad and grandfather.
When my dad was 11 or 12, a neighbor asked my grandpa to dress up as Santa and deliver toys to their house. My grandpa got all dressed up as Santa and told my dad he had to go with him. Well on the way to the house which was up a hill (in St. Clairsville) another neighbor's dog started going crazy, so my dad and grandpa hurried and got to house they needed to go to. When they got there my dad hid while my grandpa did his thing. When the neighbor's kids answered the door, they said Hi, Mr. B------, what are you doing here? Not exactly the response desired, but my grandpa played the part and dropped off the toys. As my grandpa and dad headed home, the neighbor's dog broke free and started chasing them down the hill. My dad ran as fast as he could, but not before he saw my grandpa fall and start rolling down the hill with the dog biting at his Santa costume. My grandpa was screaming for my dad to come back, but my dad was long gone. Apparently several of the neighborhood kids were at their windows and witnessed everything, so they saw Santa being chased by a dog and then rolling down the hill....
I guess I think that story is funny cause my grandpa was always one of those grumpy old men...

Posted 4 years ago #
brothermarcus
West Siiiide
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I think this was two thanksgivings ago, went to Middletown for homeless thanksgiving, got snookered on Maker's Mark and passed out on my friend's couch. Woke up at 2am by friends shouting outside, some lady was evidently mad at someone else and was bashing in all the car windows on one side of the street in with a bat... many of my friends cars included.
I didn't park on that side of the street fortunately.

Posted 4 years ago #
enzo

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Thanksgiving with my former in-laws was never without incident. I had a former sister in law that would not eat any thanksgiving food and insisted on having either pasta or pizza (she was 26 at the time), the former nephew that puked all over the place, another time someone thought sweet potatoes were large carrots :lol: . One year my brother brought a girl he was dating and she was a nut. She started talking about their sex life and how hot she thought my brother was and that she couldn't wait to be alone with him later....this at Thanksgiving dinner :shock: He dispatched her immediately afterwards.
When my brother and I were little, we were wearing our Winnie the Pooh feety pajamas on Christmas morning and we opened a joint gift --a kid sized table and chairs. We were sitting at the new table when my brother from out of nowhere puked, then I puked, then it was complete chaos among the adults.

Posted 4 years ago #
BUTerrier
Grandview
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when my father yelled "fuck you, you unappreciative pieces of shit, go eat your holiday dinner in the garage" to my brother and i, that actually happened damn near every year growing up, we would just laugh at him, then he would realize how stupid he looked gettting mad, and he would then just laugh.

Posted 4 years ago #
Walker
The KLD / Downtown
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brothermarcus wrote some lady was evidently mad at someone else and was bashing in all the car windows on one side of the street in with a bat... many of my friends cars included.
You sure that was a lady???

Posted 4 years ago #
myliftkk
Columbus, OH
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Ahh, holiday memories... here it goes.
Back in the late 90s, circa 98/99, I was working for the main UPS hub on the southwest end of Orlando, but lived on the northeast side of the city. One night before Christmas, I'm had just started coming home on one of the major highways doing 55mph in a pretty good line of cars and suddenly two cars in front of me start to swerve off the road to my left. Now, not being one to leave too much space bewteen my front bumper and the car in front of me, I only had a couple seconds to realize lying in the middle of the lane, top pointed right at my front bumper was someone's bundled xmas tree fresh off their car roof. I had cars to my left, cars to my right, and cars right behind me, so I figured what the hell and decided to try to straddle it in my Honda Civic :shock:
I thought I had accomplished the unthinkable when my bumper didn't blow up in front of me until looking in my rearview mirror I noticed I didn't see any tree. :? Doing what anyone in this predicament would do, I pulled over into a turning lane on the highway, popped my door open and looked under the side of my car. Granted the scent of smoky pine should have gave it away, but wouldn't you know it, the tree's netting had caught on my exhaust chasis and lodged said tree underneath my car. Even better, my superb job at straddling the fine fir had ensured I couldn't reach it without jacking up my car (a jack I was short at the time). What to do, what to do? A bright idea struck, and being over 14 or so miles from home, I pulled off the highway into an apartment complex and put my Civic through a series of definitely not factory approved driving manuevers in an attempt to dislodge my conifer friend. High speed reversing, rolling over curbs, hitting speed bumps at high speeds, continued for about 15 minutes until I capitulated and pulled out heading back for home...
A few miles later, I'm sitting at a red light on the highway, tree still in undertow, next to a guy in a sports car with his windows down. Now me being one to ride around with mine down, why should I be surprised when I hear, "Hey buddy, your dragging a christmas tree under your car!" :roll: "Uh, yeah, I know." (No really, I like this better than hanging trees from my rearview mirror) Up go the windows...
10 or so buring-pine-scented miles later I pull into my apartment complex. But, as fate would have it, just as I make the left hand turn to pull into my parking space, the tree rolls right out from under my car. :x For 5-10 minutses, I kicked the shit out of that damn tree :evil: (which now only was really half of a tree, since half had been sanded off on the way home) across the parking lot until I was satisfied no xmas tree would ever make a fool of me again.
The End

Posted 4 years ago #
Coremodels
Really close to Explorer's Club.
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Ugh. I hate the holidays. Growing up it was battles between the family every damn year, as an adult it turned into battles with the girlfriend every damn year.
I'm thinking of celebrating Festivus from now on instead, and giving these to all my friends as gifts...

Posted 4 years ago #
Brewmaster
Portland, OR
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^ That's awesome Core!
My college friends and I have been getting together for a Festivus party on December 23rd for the last 6 years. All it takes is a couple cases of Great Lakes Christmas Ale and a sturdy aluminum pole. The airing of grievances follows shortly thereafter and the big conclusion is, of course, the feats of strength.
I wish I were making this up.

Posted 4 years ago #
The Hegemo
Delusions of Grandview
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On what turned out to be her last Christmas, my grandmother had borrowed this book from Aunt Sophie about Croatian atrocities against the Serbs during WW2. She brought it with her to show us and "prove" that we were wrong to not support Serbian atrocities against just about everybody during the war in Bosnia. So during Christmas dinner, she kept passing the damn book around to show us the pictures of Serbs' heads on stakes.
What a heart-warming memory...

Posted 4 years ago #