Walker wrote >>
JimL2 wrote >>
...
Someone just got themselves assigned to the Van Wert beat. ;)
Here is my wikipedia book report on Van Wert.
By JimL2.
Van Wert is a town that was built in a swamp, whose primary residents up until that time had been malaria-carrying mosquitoes. (And probably some indians or something.) After the swamp was drained, Van Wert quickly became known as the only place in the world to manufacture Liederkranz cheese, a cheese so resoundingly unpopular that it was manufactured in only one place. After the cheese factory burned down in 1981, and a serious bacterial contamination was found in 1985's batch, the cheese was finally determined to be haunted and was banished from the free market forever. The New Zealand Dairy Board now owns the exclusive rights to make Liederkranz, if they want to, but they don't.
Famous Van Wertsmen include Larry Crummey, Walker's award-winning sister, a football coach with the nickname of "coach," and . The current mayor of Van Wert is Travis Bickle, of Taxi Driver fame; perhaps in accordance with his waning fame, the population of Van Wert has shrunk steadily since the 1970s.
In conclusion, despite its name, Van Wert is not a significant exporter of either vans or warts. All other facts about Van Wert were possibly sealed as state secrets, and so cannot be included in this report.
Thank you for your time.