Pardon me, person defacing my personal property. Would you care to come in for some tea, perhaps open a dialogue about your motivations. Perhaps you could expand on the reasoning behind your petty criminal activity, I could tell you when Whiskers died I smashed her food bowl and how I came to find that destruction wasn't the answer. We could then hug and exchange numbers, maybe I could teach you baking or knitting?
I love me some Snarf Snark.