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YouTubeso the 39 year old dancing thread got me thinking about this: she mentioned that her husband "lets" her go dancing or doesn't "let" her go sometimes. To me, this is a very weird statement. do other people in relationships see it that way? My spouse and I talk about how much money we are each "allowed" to spend from a joint account but I don't quite know how I would respond to being told I can not do something if there were no joint plans for the time/date.
Columbus Underground Messageboard » General Columbus Discussion » Everyday Chit Chat
Partnership Issues
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Tigertree
771 N. High St.
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I don't know about that. If I go out with my friends a few nights in a row, and golf a few mornings in a row while my wife is home working it would upset her. So while permission is not exactly being given, I think one can interpret the act of doing something that does not upset the other person in the relationship as being allowed. The problem with that other thread is how, seemingly, tight the boundaries she feels comfortable exploring are.
Posted 2 years ago # -
berdawn
near that stretch of N. High Street in the Short North
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I guess it was how her post was phrased it seemed there was some serious power issues involved. I broke my arm after taking up rollerblading a few years ago and now I have a little more respect for my husband's opinion of what may constitute "dangerous"; I don't think he would pack up the cats if I decided to go parasailing or something though. I DID agree not to go hang gliding when he asked me not to; he was in fear for my life, I am a clumsy woman with a history of injury and it felt like listening to reason.
Posted 2 years ago # -
AnneD
Taco-Nazo-Land
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I think the use of the word "let" is dangerously close to "allow" which sounds very controlling.
While I am all for respecting my partner's needs and wants and opinions, if he tried to tell me he "wouldn't let" me do something it would end very, very badly. We respect each other's judgement and suggestions, but we go about our individual activities quite freely.
I seem to know a number of adults whose spouses won't "let" them do things, and I find it weird and uncomfortable - both the language and the fact that their spouses seem to regularly restrict their behaviour.
Posted 2 years ago # -
daniel
Old Town East
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I choose to believe there can be a healthy level of attachment in a marriage. "let" can be a cute word. It can come out of respect, trust, and joking.
I guess I just don't think "the opposite of co-dependent" is the only healthy option. Total independence in marriage may be the booby prize.
Posted 2 years ago # -
berdawn
near that stretch of N. High Street in the Short North
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daniel wrote >>
I choose to believe there can be a healthy level of attachment in a marriage. "let" can be a cute word. It can come out of respect, trust, and joking.
I guess I just don't think "the opposite of co-dependent" is the only healthy option. Total independence in marriage may be the booby prize.In the context it was presented, it didn't very cute. I don't think I've known a situation where it was used other than to highlight the absurdity of asking one's partner for permission.
I don't think that "total independence" is possible in a committed relationship; that would kind of negate the relationship part.
Posted 2 years ago # -
TheOtherZach
Zackass
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Sometimes, when I'm good, Mary lets me out of the basement.
But I'm not good very often.
Posted 2 years ago # -
jennyw
Clintonville
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Hmmm ... the "let" thing is a sticky wicket in the context of that entire letter, but I have to admit that I often say my husband "will kill me" if I do X (X generally involves the purchase of something), and we have a happy, equitable (and murder-free) relationship.
That said, along the same lines as the "let" thing is the notion that men "babysit" their own kids. That's a nails-on-chalkboard turn of phrase for me.
Posted 2 years ago # -
TheOtherZach
Zackass
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Oh yeah, I was totally let out for doing that. (And happy birthday Anne. ;-)
It's funny the phrases that set some people off, but others don't think twice about. "Let" and "make" are phrases that are occasionally thrown around in our house, but they are done so in a context of holding each other accountable for items we agreed to earlier. The system works pretty well for fitness and for finance.
What sets me off is whenever somebody complains about their spouse to somebody who isn't the spouse. Funny anecdotes and jokes are one thing, but hearing somebody bitterly complaining to me about their wife/ husband at work or in public just irritates me to no end. Aren't we supposed to be marrying our best friend?
Posted 2 years ago # -
L.I. to Buckeye
West side/Galloway
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I think there's a lot more to that situation than Me shared. People who've been together for 19 years just change the way Me made it sound like one of them did (not sure which one).
If her perception that her husband is "letting" her dance, I'm also guessing that's not the only thing he's attempting to control in the marriage. Perhaps it's just one of the more innocuous things she could complain about on these boards.
Also, Daniel: What appears to be a grammar error in your avatar is driving the English major in me bananas!
Posted 2 years ago # -
Bear
The woods
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daniel wrote >>
Also, Daniel: What appears to be a grammar error in your avatar is driving the English major in me bananas!
'tis deliberate dahling.
There's some history. He doesn't just have a vendetta against English majors.
Well, what do I know, he might. But... well, whatever. Check out the link, it'll make more sense.
Posted 2 years ago #
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