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YouTubeWhat's the best way to break up with someone that you get along with really well, you just know they aren't the one? What if you are living with them? This isn't for me, it's for a friend. Yeah. A friend.
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In your experience
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Paul
Vancouver, BC
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I have a friend who recently went through the very same situation. Literally a friend and not me. I'm not quite sure how he handled it, but basically he told her she had a week or two to GTFO. I would say that is not a good way to handle it.
Basically, it's a bad situation and like ripping off a band-aid, it's going to hurt no matter how you do it.
Posted 4 years ago # -
swan
London
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its easier to get them to break up with you... that way they feel like they ended it and since its what you wanted all along... it doesnt really matter.
but make sure you get a good story out of it!
edit: oh god youre living with them? i have no idea how to proceed.
Posted 4 years ago # -
dredd
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swan wrote its easier to get them to break up with you... that way they feel like they ended it and since its what you wanted all along... it doesnt really matter.
but make sure you get a good story out of it!
edit: oh god youre living with them? i have no idea how to proceed.
That edit is the funniest darn thing I have read all day.
Posted 4 years ago # -
osulew
My house...in the middle of my street
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I don't think there is any way to handle that that isn't going to cause pain for both of you. I think that if you are compassionate and honest and don't toss her out on the street immediately that would be helpful. I would put a time frame on her leaving or on you leaving, but be helpful and sensitive to the fact that it will be hard for her. You will have a few weeks of misery while the transition is going on, but it will turn out better than lying or other excuses. If that doesn't work, just leave the country. If you can't do that, just go with Ndcent's suggestion. :wink:
Posted 4 years ago # -
columbus native
Columbus the indie art capital of the world
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I say be honest about your feelings to them and learn from this mistake.
Posted 4 years ago # -
Brewmaster
Portland, OR
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I'd just go with massive doses of passive-aggressive behavior.
Two years later, that relationship will be oh-vah!
Posted 4 years ago # -
Andrew Hall
Dennison Place (The Circles)
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Have an affair.
A.
Posted 4 years ago # -
enzo
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I would just be sensitive and honest.... here is what Wiki How says:
How to Break up With Someone Using Style and Sensitivity
We all know breaking up is hard to do. But unless you're Ross and Rachel, or some teen romance turned happily-ever-after, breaking up is an unavoidable part of life. And while it's up to you to decide what your individual breakup style is, if you want to avoid future bad relationship karma, you'll adopt a few breakup basics.
[edit] StepsPick an appropriate place. The less public, the better. Remember, ending a relationship is a humbling experience. Don't do it in a place where the person on the receiving end is going to feel more vulnerable than necessary.
Choose the right time. Avoid holidays and special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries at all costs. Do you really want your ex remembering your insensitivity every time that day rolls around?
Do it in person. If the relationship is relatively new, maybe you can get away breaking up over the phone. But come on, if you've been out on more than a handful of dates, isn't that kind of harsh?
Be honest but sensitive. No one likes to get dumped. But we at least appreciate the truth when it's over. Unless, of course, the truth is you've stopped finding him/her attractive, you've met someone better, or that you're just plain bored with the relationship.
Keep your emotions in check. Don't seem too happy about the breakup: you'll come off as mean-spirited. Just be kind, caring, and considerate. If you must, you can high five your friends later.
Don't react. Some people don't handle rejection well. Some people yell, scream, cry. Yes, that sucks. But it doesn't mean you should react to their meltdown. Remember, rejection is tough. You've already got the upper hand by being the dumper. Let the dumpee behave ridiculously if they choose to. And if their tantrum escalates, get the heck out of there!
[edit] TipsMany people feel that it is poor etiquette to break up by phone, e-mail, or through an instant messenger system. It is easier to break up with someone if you don't have to look the person in the eye, but you may lose the respect of your mutual friends if you take the easy way out.
If you handle yourself well during the breakup, chances are you'll avoid any hard feelings with your ex. And while that may not seem so important at the time, it's vital to your future relationship karma!
The term "break-up" implies a hard stop. But, often, a break-up is really a change in the nature of a relationship, where friendship remains, but a closer physical connection, and a desire to build a life together, is taken away. Try to look at breaking up in a more positive way, and see how it can transform your relationship.
Think about why you want to break up with them (e.g., you may suspect/hear rumors that they are cheating on you).
Ask them FIRST. Everybody hates when you break up with them for a reason that isn't even true.
Think about how maybe if you want out, they might too. Ask them where they think it's going. If something is making being together painful, tell them that being together is hurting you (e.g., long-distance relationships).
Although it says above pick a private place, this can sometimes lead to emotional conversations that end in sex and another miserable month of "trying to make it work". If it's really over (see warning one), meet in a quiet public place local to the other person for a drink or a coffee. Tell them straight away and succinctly that the reason you're here is to say its over and why - be honest, give the true reason e.g. nothing you do will make up for the fact that you slept with someone else/the fact that you weren't there to pick me up from the hospital after my operation was the last straw, i need someone more dependable etc. Then leave money on the table to cover both drinks and leave. Do not cry until you're far away. Do not call them AT ALL and do not pick up their calls, preferably forever but at least not for two weeks - this helps to get some distance. Don't listen to their drunken phone messages, press delete when you hear their voice. Heal yourself : go out, shop, see movies etc. Find someone new!
[edit] WarningsWeigh in carefully on your decision to break up, without analyzing it to death. Is this really what your heart wants? You may not be able to reverse your decision once it's made, and you may burn bridges in the process. Could you forgive yourself if you broke up with the man/woman of your dreams?
Avoid cliches. If the person has heard it before, it may come off as insensitive.
Posted 4 years ago # -
Andrew Hall
Dennison Place (The Circles)
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Combine Ndcent's and my advice with a cheap video camera.
A.
Posted 4 years ago # -
Brewmaster
Portland, OR
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How about just pointing her to this thread? I assume she'll want to take the high ground and break up with you after she realizes that you're soliciting advice on how to break up with her from complete strangers.
Problem solved.
You're welcome.
Posted 4 years ago # -
enzo
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Passive aggressive is cowardly and lacks integrity. If you do not have enough respect for her and yourself, do something that you will feel horrible about OR put your big boy pants on and say the truth, but say it with sweetness so as not to come across as a jerk. Do not burn bridges.
How would you want to be broken up with and do it like that.
Posted 4 years ago #
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